Things are looking grim in the Wasatch for skiers right now, as we’re nearing the end of the first week of December and the primary color in the mountains is… brown. Sure, most ski resorts in Utah are open, and that’s great if you’re okay with ripping it up on thin ribbons of man-made ice. But for us powder hounds, the dry conditions are equal to being blindfolded in a strip club.
So what’s the deal? Why has Ullr, the Norse God of Snow, forsaken us? I think the fault lies with one man, and his name is Mason Diedrich.
Mason is a good friend and he writes a blog called, “The Peak is Never Passed.” But in his most recent entry, he recounts a tale where he makes an annual journey to the crest of the Wasatch to make an offering of Jagermeister to Ullr, by ceremoniously pouring a shot into the ground.
However this year, thanks to my friend’s serious lack of foresight, Jagermeister was not the syrupy liquid sacrificed in the name of plentiful snow. Here’s an excerpt from Mason’s blog that shows, in black-and-white print, why there is currently no powdery goodness in the Wasatch:
“At the crest of the Wasatch, between Big Cottonwood and The Canyons Ski Resort in Park City, I poured out an offering of booze I had to Ullr, the Norse god of snow. Unfortunately, thanks to Utah’s state run liquor stores being closed on the Veteran’s Day holiday, all I had to offer was a bit of bargain priced coffee liquor that I bought from a discount bin in Wendover 5 years ago.”
So there it is, the reason our reason of existence is unreasonable right now. Mason offered Ullr “bargain priced coffee liquor.” Now, before you direct any ill will toward my well intentioned but misguided friend, you can read his entire post here, at “The Peak is Never Passed.” He has a few good excuses for such a major discretion, but in the end, I think you’ll discover that Mason Diedrich is indeed to blame for our dire situation, and an appropriate penalty (or a redo on Mason’s part) must be handed down, before our entire ski season is lost.