I’ve never been one to log onto social media and list off daily notes about what I’m thankful for. I’m a jerk like that. I coast through life without ever staring at my inner reflecting pool (which smells like stale beer) taking stock on how fortunate I am, even as I currently stare out my window at an Olympic-sized hot tub filled with trophy wives splashing each other while their bikini tops hold on for dear life. But I digress. I’m feeling charitable this holiday season and offer this special list of what I’m thankful for.
Reflecting pools that smell like beer – AKA – Beer:
When I look back on my life, I am amazed at how lucky I am to be able to drink so much beer. Every time I bring an IPA to my lips, I look into the pool of foamy head and see memories of beer’s past, beer’s present, and beer’s future. I’m thankful for Ambers, Lagers, Stouts, Winter Warmers, IPA, Pale Ale, and especially local, handcrafted brew that comes in cans. Tailgating at Alta or backcountry trailheads has been revolutionized by craft beer in cans that are easier to pack and recycle. Plus, beer pairs well with turkey and stuffing.
Skis:
Well this one is obvious, ain’t it?
Ullr and his Horn of Plenty:
Ullr came through for us so far, didn’t he? With a pre-Thanksgiving storm that dropped 40 inches in 48 hours along the Cottonwood Canyons, ski season is now in full swing. I shredded Alta on November 24th on my new Atomic Bent Chetlers, dreadfully afraid of ruining the bases on just-under-the-surface-rocks, and never did hit a single one. Do you know who to thank? Me. That’s right. Myself, along with Mason Diedrich, wallowed through swamp, crossed swollen, frozen rivers, negotiated a morass of fallen trees, groveled up thousands of feet of loose scree and boulders, and clawed our way to the summits of Kletting and A1 Peaks in the Uinta Mountains. Once there, we sacrificed SO MUCH BOOZE to Ullr in hopes that he would bless us with his Horn of Plenty (which is just a fancy, Biblical way of saying snow.) Thank you Ullr, I raise a turkey leg and a mug of stout in your honor.
Turkey:
Never cared for it. But I’m thankful for it because everyone else loads up their plate with this bland-ass bird, leaving more mashed potatoes and gravy for me.
Standing Belly Rubs:
Our dog, Itchy, stands up against the furniture so I can rub her belly without having to bend over. She’s thoughtful like that.
Outdoor Recreation Magazines:
Publications such as the Utah Adventure Journal, Ascent Backcountry Snow Journal, BackcountryMagazine and others print my brain spew (see above example) and actually pay me for it. I can’t imagine why, but I sure am thankful for it.
Everything Else: And of course I’m thankful for my wife, who is an enabler (she enables me to ski,) my house, my family, my career, good health (except for that unidentified liver fungus the doctors are trying to figure out,) and all the other crap I’m supposed to be thankful for, yadda yadda yadda. Now go eat some turkey.